Parenting Guidelines

Teach children to change their demands to preferences. Point out to children that there is no reason they must get everything they want and that they need not feel angry either. Encourage them to work against anger by setting a good example and by reinforcing them when they display appropriate irritation rather than anger.

1. Encourage your children to ask for what they want assertively; pointing out that there is no guarantee that they will get it. Reinforce them for asking and avoid anticipating their desires.

1. Let children know they create and are responsible for any feeling they experience. Likewise, they are not responsible for others’ feelings. Avoid blaming children for how you feel.

1. Encourage your children to develop hobbies and interests which give them pleasure and which they can pursue independently.

1. Let children settle their own disputes between siblings and friends alike.

1. Help your children develop “tease tolerance” by pointing out that some teasing can’t hurt. Help children learn to cope with teasing by ignoring it while using positive self-talk such as “names can never hurt me,” “teases have no power over me,” and “if I can resist this tease, then I’m building emotional muscle.”

1. Help children learn to focus on their strengths by pointing out to them all the things they can do.

1. Encourage your children to behave toward themselves the way they’d like their friends to behave toward them.

1. Help your children think in terms of alternative options and possibilities rather than depending upon one option for satisfaction. A child who has only one friend and loses that friend is friendless. However, a child who has many friends and loses one still has many. This same principle holds true in many different areas. Whenever you think there is only one thing, which can satisfy you, you limit your potential for being satisfied! The more you help your children realize that there are many options in every situation, the more you increase their potential for satisfaction.

1. Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. People who take themselves very seriously are undoubtedly decreasing their enjoyment in life. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one’s overall enjoyment.

1. Show love and affection to your child. All our dealings with our children, starting from infancy, should be done with a lot of affection and love. A baby who was dealt with love and affection will get a subconscious feeling that s/he is worthy and important enough to be loved.

1. Compliment your child. Give your child compliments as often as possible, whenever they do something right. Say, "I am very proud of you. You are very special. I like the way you have done it."

1. Make your compliments credible. It is important, however, that the compliments be credible. Exaggerated compliments like, "You are the best in the world. You are the nicest person that ever lived" can actually be counter-productive. The child will develop an inflated ego, and that can affect his relationship with friends, which in the long run will have a negative effect on his or her self-esteem.

1. Set goals for your child. The goal should be something attainable--to get dressed by herself, to get a certain mark on his next test. Set goals that is suited for the child's age and capabilities (setting a goal which is unattainable will have a negative effect). As the child works toward the goal, coach her along and compliment her success each step along the way. Once the child reaches the goal, compliment her achievement and reinforce her self-image as an achiever.

1. Criticize the action, not the person. When the child does something negative, say to the child, "You are such a good and special child, you should not be engaging in such an activity," instead of saying, "you are a bad child."